2013 – Year of Creation

Every moment is an opportunity to live deeper

New Chapter: I Will Always Love You

I told Hareesh that I wasn’t ready to join him in Uganda.

I have been to see 2 counselors in 2 days, I am wupped.

I have been seeking an answer, and I needed to talk to them in order to have another voice guiding me into myself, into the truth.

I want to study yoga.  And I want to do it soon.  Right now.  After I graduate.

I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to dive into Uganda and start teaching kids when I don’t know anything about their lives.  Especially when I understand only a tiny portion of the knowledge I am seeking.

The practice I am developing takes years of understanding and experimentation.  People need my help, and I need to be as solid, knowledgable and ready as possible if I am to be of any help to anyone.

I am not ready to go to Uganda.  My family is not ready for it either.

Guilt is a great teacher.  First and foremost, it is a feeling.  An emotion, nothing more.  And it indicates a greater wealth of information about how you’re feeling, the truth.  Guilt indicates to me that I have more to accept in myself and others.  It comes from fear of the truth.

I do not want to leave Hareesh stranded in a foreign country, alone and waiting for me.  But I have to take care of my needs.  I got into our relationship so readily, I didn’t trust my instincts and I let it carry on too far.  I didn’t have the courage to break up with him in the UK, or in Spain, and still I don’t now.  I need to see him to decide if I still want to be with him in the future.

But I have told him that I don’t feel I can be with anyone now.

I need to study yoga.  I need to do what I am meant to do, and not use another person to get what I want.

There are still plenty of options.  This is not the be-all, end-all.

However far away / I will always love you
However long I stay / I will always love you
Whatever words I say / I will always love you
I will always love you

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