New Chapter: I Will Always Love You
I told Hareesh that I wasn’t ready to join him in Uganda.
I have been to see 2 counselors in 2 days, I am wupped.
I have been seeking an answer, and I needed to talk to them in order to have another voice guiding me into myself, into the truth.
I want to study yoga. And I want to do it soon. Right now. After I graduate.
I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to dive into Uganda and start teaching kids when I don’t know anything about their lives. Especially when I understand only a tiny portion of the knowledge I am seeking.
The practice I am developing takes years of understanding and experimentation. People need my help, and I need to be as solid, knowledgable and ready as possible if I am to be of any help to anyone.
I am not ready to go to Uganda. My family is not ready for it either.
Guilt is a great teacher. First and foremost, it is a feeling. An emotion, nothing more. And it indicates a greater wealth of information about how you’re feeling, the truth. Guilt indicates to me that I have more to accept in myself and others. It comes from fear of the truth.
I do not want to leave Hareesh stranded in a foreign country, alone and waiting for me. But I have to take care of my needs. I got into our relationship so readily, I didn’t trust my instincts and I let it carry on too far. I didn’t have the courage to break up with him in the UK, or in Spain, and still I don’t now. I need to see him to decide if I still want to be with him in the future.
But I have told him that I don’t feel I can be with anyone now.
I need to study yoga. I need to do what I am meant to do, and not use another person to get what I want.
There are still plenty of options. This is not the be-all, end-all.
However far away / I will always love you
However long I stay / I will always love you
Whatever words I say / I will always love you
I will always love you