2013 – Year of Creation

Every moment is an opportunity to live deeper

Finding…

Hari isn’t speaking to me.  That’s only to be expected, but still.  I hope he is alright.  I hope he is keeping himself busy and well.  Not worrying or depressed.  I worry.

As worried and awful as I feel about doing this to him, I can’t help but feel a huge sense of relief.  This was weighing on me intensely.

I still love him so terribly much.  The last thing I want to do is cause him any pain.

But if I am to accomplish my life’s work, I need to turn inward and develop the skills I need.

I emailed my parents immediately after Hari hung up on me.  Telling them that, although I love Hari deeply and still intend to be with him, I am not ready to join him in Uganda.  I want to study yoga first, and if the offer still stands I’d like to go to Kripalu or Naropa.

I also mentioned that I would like to go to India to study, but that it would be easier on my family for me to be closer first.  I know better than to ask if my parents will fund me studying in India.

They got back to me immediately.

 

Hi Sweetie –

Bill and I just got home and read this together.
Wow!  Such a huge decision you have made.  We are here for you for sure and are ready to talk over ANY of your options.  Yes, our offer still stands to study at Kripalu but Naropa (I know a little about it) is an amazing place too.
Sounds like this is just a beginning point so we want to be available for you but not rush or overwhelm you.
We are home tonight and probably most of the weekend so we can talk more when you want.
We love you,
Mom and Dad
They are very enthusiastic by the sound of it.  I’m glad.
Because this feels absolutely right to me.

I need to be by myself, in retreat, for a while.  I need to sit with my thoughts and develop my practice.  Develop how I work.  I need to be able to be myself, act from the still silent place within me among the chaos – Purush and Prakriti – the way I have been teaching in BlueTruth.

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