Discomfort is a Teacher
My poor tummy has been churning all day. I vomited nothing all morning.
The swirling, shivering green gickyness. It sits heavy in my gut like guilt.
Having a ‘guilt complex’ feels like carrying your mother in her house on your back.
Guilt is an emotional experience associated with feeling responsible for some kind of wrong-doing. Most people tend to scrutinize themselves against an internally established code of conduct and can feel guilt for something said, done or even thought. In fact, feelings of guilt can act as our inner morality compass by alerting us to the fact that our thoughts, words or actions are in conflict with what we know to be morally right.
However, some people feel guilty for no reason. They blame themselves for other people’s mistakes and for anything that goes wrong in their own lives or the lives of their loved ones. People who suffer from a guilt complex that is not based on any actual wrong-doing, actually destroy the possibility of joy in their lives.
I don’t really have a ‘guilt complex’, but I certainly carry guilt with my like a stone. I blame myself unnecessarily, apologize for things out of my control, and assume responsibility for people’s feelings, which I certainly have nothing to do with.
But these days are coming to an end.
I am applying to Naropa University to study Yoga.
Regardless of what my family thinks of me, what Hareesh or Ajala or anyone needs from me, I am doing this for myself because it is what I am meant to do.