2013 – Year of Creation

Every moment is an opportunity to live deeper

Finding…

Hari isn’t speaking to me.  That’s only to be expected, but still.  I hope he is alright.  I hope he is keeping himself busy and well.  Not worrying or depressed.  I worry.

As worried and awful as I feel about doing this to him, I can’t help but feel a huge sense of relief.  This was weighing on me intensely.

I still love him so terribly much.  The last thing I want to do is cause him any pain.

But if I am to accomplish my life’s work, I need to turn inward and develop the skills I need.

I emailed my parents immediately after Hari hung up on me.  Telling them that, although I love Hari deeply and still intend to be with him, I am not ready to join him in Uganda.  I want to study yoga first, and if the offer still stands I’d like to go to Kripalu or Naropa.

I also mentioned that I would like to go to India to study, but that it would be easier on my family for me to be closer first.  I know better than to ask if my parents will fund me studying in India.

They got back to me immediately.

 

Hi Sweetie –

Bill and I just got home and read this together.
Wow!  Such a huge decision you have made.  We are here for you for sure and are ready to talk over ANY of your options.  Yes, our offer still stands to study at Kripalu but Naropa (I know a little about it) is an amazing place too.
Sounds like this is just a beginning point so we want to be available for you but not rush or overwhelm you.
We are home tonight and probably most of the weekend so we can talk more when you want.
We love you,
Mom and Dad
They are very enthusiastic by the sound of it.  I’m glad.
Because this feels absolutely right to me.

I need to be by myself, in retreat, for a while.  I need to sit with my thoughts and develop my practice.  Develop how I work.  I need to be able to be myself, act from the still silent place within me among the chaos – Purush and Prakriti – the way I have been teaching in BlueTruth.

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New Chapter: I Will Always Love You

I told Hareesh that I wasn’t ready to join him in Uganda.

I have been to see 2 counselors in 2 days, I am wupped.

I have been seeking an answer, and I needed to talk to them in order to have another voice guiding me into myself, into the truth.

I want to study yoga.  And I want to do it soon.  Right now.  After I graduate.

I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to dive into Uganda and start teaching kids when I don’t know anything about their lives.  Especially when I understand only a tiny portion of the knowledge I am seeking.

The practice I am developing takes years of understanding and experimentation.  People need my help, and I need to be as solid, knowledgable and ready as possible if I am to be of any help to anyone.

I am not ready to go to Uganda.  My family is not ready for it either.

Guilt is a great teacher.  First and foremost, it is a feeling.  An emotion, nothing more.  And it indicates a greater wealth of information about how you’re feeling, the truth.  Guilt indicates to me that I have more to accept in myself and others.  It comes from fear of the truth.

I do not want to leave Hareesh stranded in a foreign country, alone and waiting for me.  But I have to take care of my needs.  I got into our relationship so readily, I didn’t trust my instincts and I let it carry on too far.  I didn’t have the courage to break up with him in the UK, or in Spain, and still I don’t now.  I need to see him to decide if I still want to be with him in the future.

But I have told him that I don’t feel I can be with anyone now.

I need to study yoga.  I need to do what I am meant to do, and not use another person to get what I want.

There are still plenty of options.  This is not the be-all, end-all.

However far away / I will always love you
However long I stay / I will always love you
Whatever words I say / I will always love you
I will always love you

CAST

I GOT CAST!!!!!!

 

I’m in not one but TWO projects!!!

 

Marissa’s FOUNDING FAMILIES.  I am playing TOYPURINA!!!!!

 

And the MATEJKO PROJECT.  I have no idea what it is.

 

So stoked.

But still, I must fight for the needs of the rest of the Theatre School who are subject to faulty casting.

BlueTruth

Today’s class was phenomenal!!!

 

I taught yoga to my student for a full hour and a half!!!  Meditation, warmup, Sun salutes, standing poses, cool down/twists, Savasana.  It was amazing.  I gave directions concisely and with the breath, I allowed the breath to help me deliver clear instructions.

 

Afterwards we had a discussion about what had encountered, and about Masculine and Feminine polarity.  How do we explore it in our practice?  What is it to practice?  How do we navigate failure and continue into the truth – the deep blue truth – of our selves?

Audition

My name is Hadley Gallen

and for four years this day has brought me such anxiety.  And I just want to be myself for you, I don’t want to prove anything today.  This is my last chance to tell you who I am. I have been using other peoples’ monologues to try to show you who I really am, and it doesn’t feel right anymore.  It never really did.  I never had something of my own to say.  Just my own expectations to fill.  I have been studying for four years so that I could have the skills to make a difference in the world – but only now, at the end of my time hear, do I really understand the significance of what we do here.  And I have never felt so calm.  And alive.  The work that I do is to help others understand the capabilities of their bodies, their minds, their own creativity.  I’ve never been successful in the past because I didn’t own mine.  Now I have a purpose, an understanding of what I am here to accomplish in this life.  And it is so much bigger than these minutes.  No monologue can express who I am and what I can do.  But I never would have known that if you hadn’t given me these three minutes every semester to try.

So thank you for your time.

January, 2013

What a year ahead!

So far, it’s gotten off to a great start.  Some of the most awesome cinema I have seen in years is playing in theaters (Django Unchained, Hitchcock, Life of Pi, Lincoln, to name a few).  Palestine is now an unofficial nation.  Obama’s back in office.  Weed is legalized in Colorado, a potential first step towards ending drug wars.  A grand total of nine states (plus two Native American nations, Washington DC and two states under specific circumstances) recognize same-sex marriage.  Families are plump and bonds are healed after the holidays.  My yoga practice is picking up on a whole new level.  And classes at CalArts resume in just a week.  Things are looking up.

And yet, there is a terrible dark side to the start of this year.  Real tragedies have occurred.  The Sandy Hook massacre that took the lives of 26 bright people.  The war in Syria that, according to the UN, has already resulted in 60,000 casualties, and counting.  The Benghazi attacks in Libya.  Record heat waves, droughts, floods and melting in 2012.  Sex scandals, rape and women’s reproductive rights on the battlegrounds of politics.  The bad news always seems to outweigh the good news, and it keeps on piling up.

But here’s the best news:
THIS IS OUR CHANCE.

The timely release of the miraculous film Lincoln is uncanny, because in truth we, all of us, are stepped on on the world’s stage now, the fate of human dignity in our hands.  Blood’s been spilt to afford us this moment – Now, Now, NOW!

Humanity is at stake.  With almost 7 billion of us on the planet, it is more crucial than ever that we ALL start taking action.  There has never been a better time than now.  Social media, like it or not, has brought the entire world in contact with one another, and human beings are inextricably linked forever more.  Rather than allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the amount of work we have to do, we can start owning our unlimited potential, start acting as a community and work together to fix all of our problems.  It is possible.

Why?  How?  Because human beings ARE unlimited.  Look at everything human beings have done, and still do!  Evidence of human ingenuity dates back to a boggling 12,000 years.  Really it has only been in the last 300 (50o if you really want to go back to basics) that we have been screwing things up so terribly.  It only took 50 years for the atmosphere to reach 394.39 ppm (as of December 2012), an unprecedented level in our lifetimes.  But if we all act NOW we can reverse some of climate change’s worst effects.

Call me crazy, but I see no need for despair.  What would be the point?  We’ve all got to live, all 7 billion of us (yeesh…), so might as well live on the bright side.  The JOY side. And humans have known how to live in joy for thousands of years!  It’s only been in the last 500 that we’ve really started to fuck up and divert from our blissful origins.  In the very, very early beginnings people lived in accordance to the Earth’s rhythms, and She dictated how we went about our lives.  People birthed and died and made love and grew their own food – it was simple.  Ignorance is a bad thing – innocence is not.  We have arisen into an age of uncountable ignorance – arrogance – defiling Earth’s wisdom, and so our own.

And I for one am convinced that all human beings are here for a reason.  There are so many of us and the Earth, our home and our way of life, is in such crisis.  Yes, it is because there are so many of us, but also, there could be so many of us because the world needs ALL of our help.  Every person on this planet is unique and has their own special talents to offer that can make the world a better place – imagine what the world will look like in 100, 200, 1000 more years, when everyone everyone everyone lets go of their fear and helps each other out, offers their goodness and innovation in love and trust?

I for one am going to live my life in this manner, no matter how few or how many are inspired to do the same.  I have my own gifts to offer, and I know that they can and will help to make this world a better place.  Now is my moment.  Now is OUR moment.

  1. Abraham Lincoln: A compass, I learnt when I was surveying, it’ll… it’ll point you True North from where you’re standing, but it’s got no advice about the swamps and dessert and chasm that you’ll encounter along the way. If in pursuit of your destination, you plunge ahead, heedless of obstacles, and achieve nothing more than to sink in a swamp… What’s the use of knowing True North?

Abraham Lincoln: Euclid’s first common notion is this: Things which are equal to the same things are equal to each other. That’s a rule of mathematical reasoning and its true because it works – has done and always will do. In his book Euclid says this is self evident. You see there it is even in that 2000 year old book of mechanical law it is the self evident truth that things which are equal to the same things are equal to each other.

Obama has proclaimed January as National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month – a thoughtful gesture and another good sign.

 

FUN LINKS TO CHECK OUT:

http://co2now.org/Know-the-Changing-Climate/Climate-Changes/

http://earthguide.ucsd.edu/virtualmuseum/climatechange2/08_1.shtml

http://discovermagazine.com/2013/jan-feb/4-earth-goes-to-extremes#.UOojXI6rpPU

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2012/12/31/presidential-proclamation-national-slavery-and-human-trafficking-prevent?utm_source=wh.gov&utm_medium=shorturl&utm_campaign=shorturl

http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/news/regions/americas/121109/marijuana-legalization-colorado-washington-mexico-drug-war

http://www.policymic.com/articles/22001/how-hillary-clinton-democratized-diplomacy-one-tweet-at-a-time

http://stopthewaronwomen.com/

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